"Home to Me" Draft

After a long week of homework, after-school activities, insecurities and stress, I take my first step through the doors of my home. Its a friday, the last day of the school week. Theres not a better feeling than knowing you have two days to relax, at least for most people.

I begin to put down my 50 lb.. bags and relax for a bit, but only for half a second. I jump into the shower and quickly refreshen myself, in a big hurry to get ready. Its four thirty pm! I have exactly an hour to be out of the house and on the road, for church! As I scrambling to pick my outfit and make a huge mountain of indecisive outfits, I also try to remember and recite lyrics, searching for the right harmonies and melodies in every corner of my brain. My mind and my thoughts swim in the big ocean known as my head. The insecurities and stress still continue after the school week is over. Although, I don't worry for too long. 

All ready and dressed, I run into the car and try to gather my thoughts and catch my breath before I arrive there because its important to be calm and relaxed before I even get there. I swing the door as quickly as possible because I'm already ten minutes late. I see the worship team already unwinding the tangled cords, setting up the drum glass, gathering up the mics and even the sound team adjusting their different knobs and volumes. When all equipment and sound is ready, we start to rehearse our songs. If you haven't guessed yet, I'm on my church's worship team. We start to sing; both slow and fast music, my stress, my tears from this week, my insecurities and fears seem to slowly fly away. Like birds being set free from a cage, I feel so free and no longer in sadness or worry. The wanted Joy finally comes upon me and floods me like a river. Grace gives me peace and I'm ready; I'm ready for the lights to close, the people to come, and my heart to be renewed.

The band starts to play the first song on our setlist and I never fail to get the tingly butterflies scrambling in my stomach. Stage fright has always been a weakness for me ever since I was little girl. We kick off worship to a good start with our upbeat and fast paced song. The music picks up from our mics and speakers and amplifies to the street even before our church building. As we reach the slow songs on our setlist, the faces and mood of the people change, although not in a bad way at all. Its as if you can see right through them. Being on the worship team helps me to see things at a different perspective, I see the brokeness in the youth and I feel their pain especially because I go through almost the same things as them. For me, I love when we sing the slower songs because it allows me to reflect and think. I see the tears and the hurt that has been held in this whole time. For most people, it may even be an emotional time depending on what they went through during that week. We know that Gods working and moving in the hearts of the people so we put our trust in him and do our part of leading worship as he does his. This is a place where I can be myself and not worry about people judging me, especially because no ones suppose to judge at our church.

Church is a place where I find myself after those long and strenuous weeks. I lose myself in stress and over thinking, and most of the time I forget who I really am. Every week, the message seems to really connect to my situation and problem i'm personally going through. It redirects me back to God and how he always has grace for me and also for the fact that he's in control. He knows the plans he has for me, and I always need to be reminded of that, especially when things don't go the way I want them to. At church, the vibes are different; its suppose to be different! Everyone has a joy and positivity upon them, all you see is smiles and many times, tears of relief. The smiles and laughs are contagious and it gives you a boost, it reassures me that everything will be okay, no matter how circumstances may seem.

Throughout time I've built up walls and barriers around me, both emotionally and mentally, just to hide the real me and the things I've gone through. Church is the only place I feel like I can be myself and truly let out my feelings and thoughts. I grew up in this church, when I was still in my mothers womb. It has become my sense of place. I connect with God and share my deepest thoughts with him, only because he knows me best. He knows the things that haven't even happened, he knows what I'm thinking, he knows how I'm feelings and he's the only one who understands me without even having to explain; theres no other place I'd rather be than here in his presence.