Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Blog Revision
I changed my title to "Finding My Way" because I feel like it fits the season I'm going through. 'Finding My Way' means exactly what it says. I'm trying to figure out who I am and so that is why I changed the title to a more suitable name for my blog. I also changed the background of my blog because I felt that it didn't suit my title. Rather, I put a picture of a path way because it perfectly portrays my title and it is relevant to one another. My old background seemed immature and it doesn't match who I am now. My new header does in some way show my graphic design skills because I was able to put together graphics in a more creative and artistic way rather than just one picture. By changing the texts accordingly to the content of the quote, it made a dramatic effect on the words. Lastly for my blog archive, I arranged it so it will organize the blog posts from newest to oldest and I also customized the way I wanted it to look to a certain point. I updated my blog and I feel that it suits me best.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Coming of Age - The Unthinkable
It was the first day of high school and I was overwhelmed with emotions. It was a whole new campus filled with faces I've never seen before. I was scared but at the same time, I couldn't contain my excitement. I constantly wondered what this new place would have in store for me. After all, I was going to be here for the next 4 years. The most comforting part was that I knew my best friend would be here to experience every part of it with me.
I shouldn't refer to her as a best friend because in fact, she was like a sister. She knew almost everything about me, some things that no one else knew. When something happened, good or bad, small or big, she was the first to know. As cliche as it sounds, we were the best of friends. We would do everything together. We had countless sleepovers where we wouldn't actually sleep but instead, watched movies and talked about the most nonsense topics to the most life changing. We hung out all the time and if we weren't actually physically hanging out, we were either texting, calling, or webcamming. No matter where we were, we still knew everything that was going on with one another. Although we experienced some of the best memories together, we also experienced the worse. From the lost of a family member to heartaches from boys; we went through it all. We were always there to uplift each other and for the boy problems, we would be right there to remind each other of how worthy and valuable each other were and that we didn't need boys anyways because we had each other and our friendship was far more important and greater than a relationship. Ive never put so much trust in a person before and our friendship was no doubt one that I treasured. It was a blessing in so many ways but little did I know everything would all change.
People always told me, "things are different in high school", "you're most likely gonna have a different group of friends from middle school", "everything's going to change" We both heard the same lines from different people but we never wanted to believe them. We knew our friendship was stronger than anything that would try to come between. At least that's what we thought. I began to meet new people through my cousin and because of new friendships that we're being built, I slowly started to drift away from my friend. My best friend. At that moment nothing seemed wrong and I was totally unaware of how selfish my actions were. I only cared about myself and MY reputation. I only cared about myself and my feelings. I wanted anything and everything that would give me a good reputation in school. I wanted to be popular. Rumors went around and gossip lingered in the air, half of which weren't even true. We started talking less to each other and more about each other. At first it wasn't bad, we were just "distant friends" After about a month, things were far worst than they were before. My best friend had become my enemy and I had become hers.
Instead of running to each other in hallways, we walked past each other as if we never met. We unfollowed and blocked each other on every social network you could think of. As a matter of fact, out of anger and frustration, I deleted half of the pictures we had together. It was so hard for me to accept the fact that the closest person to me was now the farthest thing from me. I cried every night for months because I felt so alone. I was new into high school and because of the rumors ad gossip that got around, my whole group of friends decided to turned against me. Not only did I feel alone, but I knew that it was true. I had no one. I cried whenever I got the chance to. Usually when I would go through something or anything, I would turn to her because she'd always have the right things to say and if not that, she would just be a good listener. This time it was different. I couldn't go to her for help about my problem like I usually would, because this time she was the problem. Not in that way, but you know what I mean. She went from knowing every single detail about me, to not knowing me at all. Same went for me, I didn't know who she was anymore. They say that pain changes you and because of this, I can't agree more with it.
It's been a year since this all happened but there are still days where I cry and wish things didn't change. In the midst of my loneliness and vulnerability, I learned that it is okay to be alone and that God has a purpose for everything we face, even if we don't understand it. It was in those moments where I discovered who I really was when I had no one there to tell me. I experienced a new level of strength that I never knew existed within me. Someone once told me, "Different people come into your life for different seasons of your life" and I couldn't agree more with them.
I shouldn't refer to her as a best friend because in fact, she was like a sister. She knew almost everything about me, some things that no one else knew. When something happened, good or bad, small or big, she was the first to know. As cliche as it sounds, we were the best of friends. We would do everything together. We had countless sleepovers where we wouldn't actually sleep but instead, watched movies and talked about the most nonsense topics to the most life changing. We hung out all the time and if we weren't actually physically hanging out, we were either texting, calling, or webcamming. No matter where we were, we still knew everything that was going on with one another. Although we experienced some of the best memories together, we also experienced the worse. From the lost of a family member to heartaches from boys; we went through it all. We were always there to uplift each other and for the boy problems, we would be right there to remind each other of how worthy and valuable each other were and that we didn't need boys anyways because we had each other and our friendship was far more important and greater than a relationship. Ive never put so much trust in a person before and our friendship was no doubt one that I treasured. It was a blessing in so many ways but little did I know everything would all change.
People always told me, "things are different in high school", "you're most likely gonna have a different group of friends from middle school", "everything's going to change" We both heard the same lines from different people but we never wanted to believe them. We knew our friendship was stronger than anything that would try to come between. At least that's what we thought. I began to meet new people through my cousin and because of new friendships that we're being built, I slowly started to drift away from my friend. My best friend. At that moment nothing seemed wrong and I was totally unaware of how selfish my actions were. I only cared about myself and MY reputation. I only cared about myself and my feelings. I wanted anything and everything that would give me a good reputation in school. I wanted to be popular. Rumors went around and gossip lingered in the air, half of which weren't even true. We started talking less to each other and more about each other. At first it wasn't bad, we were just "distant friends" After about a month, things were far worst than they were before. My best friend had become my enemy and I had become hers.
Instead of running to each other in hallways, we walked past each other as if we never met. We unfollowed and blocked each other on every social network you could think of. As a matter of fact, out of anger and frustration, I deleted half of the pictures we had together. It was so hard for me to accept the fact that the closest person to me was now the farthest thing from me. I cried every night for months because I felt so alone. I was new into high school and because of the rumors ad gossip that got around, my whole group of friends decided to turned against me. Not only did I feel alone, but I knew that it was true. I had no one. I cried whenever I got the chance to. Usually when I would go through something or anything, I would turn to her because she'd always have the right things to say and if not that, she would just be a good listener. This time it was different. I couldn't go to her for help about my problem like I usually would, because this time she was the problem. Not in that way, but you know what I mean. She went from knowing every single detail about me, to not knowing me at all. Same went for me, I didn't know who she was anymore. They say that pain changes you and because of this, I can't agree more with it.
It's been a year since this all happened but there are still days where I cry and wish things didn't change. In the midst of my loneliness and vulnerability, I learned that it is okay to be alone and that God has a purpose for everything we face, even if we don't understand it. It was in those moments where I discovered who I really was when I had no one there to tell me. I experienced a new level of strength that I never knew existed within me. Someone once told me, "Different people come into your life for different seasons of your life" and I couldn't agree more with them.
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